Amanda

Emotions suck

2007-05-11T15:35:01Z

I am sad, and happy and excited and devastated all at the same time. Where does my friendship fit in? I think I will stand on the sidelines. My life has to continue, but will it be the same? No, and yes. What does this change? Nothing and everything. Most of all sadness, then confusion, then more sadness. But I will move on, I will walk for graduation tomorrow, then I will deal with finding everything that should be found. One day at a time. Thanks B. I pray you are okay.

Yeah for iPod

2006-08-09T03:23:07Z

I haven't written, but I post. Now I have done both.

An ode to my favorite holiday

2006-07-04T06:54:44Z

As I become more of the spiritual peace/love hippie that I was meant to be, I realize that there are times in my life that will become pivotal in the next life that I have. There are times in this life that reflect the lives that I have lead before. You are part of a past and future life. We will cross paths in this life again, and in future lives forever. Regardless of the faith that we both possess, and the lives that we will lead separately, you will forever have a place in the present. Thank you for the brief time we spent. For the late night chats, and the endless emotion that you evoke. Today is only temporary. It is the lives that we touch, and the lives that we lead that will bring harmony to ones soul. My soul, as it gathers the love and inspiration of the earth around me, has been touched by the pure faith that you possess.

Know that one can always do more to further the progress of mankind. Know that one person can make a difference in so many lives. Know that one day, when the rain falls, and the mountains storm, there is a place in a heart somewhere where your memory remains and will for eternity.

Just a thought, as I listen to my muses (U2), I would share a moment with you. I hope that you never get stuck in one moment and live your life like tomorrow is another today, and that we all have a higher power to answer to; whether it be God or our own minds.

Peace and Power will always be the things mankind chases....we may never achieve it as a people, but we can achieve them as a person.

Traveling

2006-04-28T15:40:45Z

I am scared of flying. I hate doing it. I have to fly, and I am crying and shaking. Will the doctor give my drugs?

I am afraid to leave my house for a whole week. My brother is really responsible, but this is my house. My sweet home with my things. I don't want anything to happen to my home.

I'm afraid to leave all that is familiar to me. I hate leaving my job when there are so many things to do. I'm angry with myself that I will miss the first farmers' market. I'm angry that I won't be able to talk to my family as much next week. I feel like I will miss so much.

I know it seems silly, but my attachments to this town and my people are strong. Leaving feels like abandonment.

What time is it?

2006-03-21T09:36:40Z

It's livejournal time! I found my sweet handheld pda thing this morning. Now I have exciting things on there, like, Christmas card lists and lists with tenant names. My life, I'm positive, cannot be more exciting. Lists are great. I spent an hour organizing my father's files this afternoon; now I love computers and alphabetized lists. Ones that have the correct address and a signed lease. I love lists that can be altered and put into chronological order. I'm afraid the lists may now be wrong in the transfer from paper to computer. Somehow the paper knows the correct answer and tenant, and will not lead me astray; however, the computer will try to trick my list by mistaking a space for a number. The computer is out to get me, and I am pretty sure my neighbor thinks I am insane.

I talked to the squirrels in my yard this morning. Sorry! But I didn't want the little bastards to eat my tulips. Then I commenced talking to the metal alligator that I have eating a bunny that is also in the same tulip bed. (the bunny's plaster.) My super quiet-please-don't-ever-speak-to-me-guy-on-the-right was outside looking in one of the trucks he has parked, strategically, in the driveway. Conversation begins: Me, "Hey this alligator was a really good idea. I think it's hilarious!" Dude, "It won't scare the squirrels. They know its fake."

Seriously....do you speak to the squirrels too mister? I didn't think so! F-you! Maybe the foot-long metal alligator scares the shit out of those rats! Maybe that's why they slyly stare at it all the time. Don't tell me they know it's fake! (Especially not within hearing distance for those diseased little lice carrying rodents.)

I usually don't ramble like this. It's just today. I'm pretty tired. I'm goin' to bed.

Yawn...

2006-03-13T05:27:43Z

Stretch. I'm always tired. Then I can't sleep. Now I hate Frogger, because the stupid game won't let me win. I feel like a little kid, trapped in the body of a woman who cannot react fast enough. The boulders keep squashing me. It's officially, "too hard". I have to repeat the same levels over and over. I have a headache.

Other than that, I'm ready for what will be a long week. While everyone enjoys their spring break, it means nothing to me. I have to work more this week than last week (or the week before). It will be an adventure in St. Patrick's Day at the bar, two nights in a row. Wheeeeee.....

I have decided to do an alphabet quilt. But I cannot decide whether I want the letters to represent exclamatory words or scary things. It is all part of my ever manic mind.

I just came to check my email. Nothing. I wish it were next Saturday.

I'm sick

2006-02-09T20:22:38Z

I have been sick for days and I don't want to work...ever.

I decided yesterday that the perfect job for me would be in a library. Don't people have to be quiet there? I want quiet and a milkshake. I don't think they allow food in the library though.

I finished Harry Potter HBP today, and that book makes me more angry now then the first three times I read it. I hate that book. ANGER!!! The fourth is still my favorite.

Grammys last night, only watched until U2 performed, and recorded it. I can't get enough of you Adam Clayton, and I may have to take my love for you to a therapist. I don't want to be crazy Adam Clayton stalker girl. I love U2. Very much.

That's all. I am debating on whether or not to make any phone calls today, or just let the pathetic battery on my phone die. I'll probably let it die. I hate you cell phone battery.

In a few more days I will have to return to my job as a waitress. I will realize that I am much too smart for that only after being accosted by stupid people. Then I may find a real job. (Or another fake one to keep my occupied for another year.)

When I yell, I feel bad...mostly.

2006-01-25T09:48:29Z

I yelled at my husband today and it was bad. Poor guy brought me Taco Bell and everything.

Poker tonight at the bar, and I didn't so much want to light them on fire. My homicidal tendencies are drifting. My bartender said it was the gravity from Saturn which is now in close proximity? Why the hell he knows such bizarre information is beyond me; it could be Saturn. But planets and gravity are boring.

I ventured into another blog site last week, and I officially hate it. You have to announce that you are on there, and people know if you have read their stuff; not so sneaky. I like internet sneakiness.

Maybe it's Saturn, but I have nothing else to say and I am getting a headache. (No shit, said bartender told me that the gravity from Saturn could be giving me headaches and making me sleepy...I had no response but, "Uhhh...okay.")

the weather bothers me.

2006-01-20T20:30:29Z

I don't know if it really is the Japanese mafia that controls the weather here, but if it is, and there is someone on LJ that belongs to said mafia, please bring me spring. I cannot deal with the cold (or gas bills) for much longer. I need sun, warmth and bright, not sun that melts the snow so it can snow again freezing-alternative universe sun. It looked so nice when I ventured from my home, only to step into the frigid Idaho cold with sun. It's like getting a warm ice cream - a complete disappointment.

I had an old (old) friend email today to say that they were thinking of me. Nice, but further information please. Where is this friend, has this friend finished college, and what are they doing? No such luck. I feel ashamed that I want information about people without giving any myself. I am a hypocrite, admitted and in route to change when everyone else does.

Fridays can be such a disappointment to those that hold worthless jobs. Friday means I have to work tomorrow while my husband plays video games or does nothing. Friday means that another day has gone by without me having finished the laundry I started on Wednesday. Friday means that my phone will be inundated with calls around 11 p.m. to go hang out with people who own me money and need a ride home. I don't like this Friday. Next Friday could be better; maybe the mafia will have changed the weather.

Families will make you crazy.

2005-12-07T09:02:06Z

I'm tired; of a lot of things. There will be a day soon when I have nothing to do, and nothing planned, and I will be able to say "fuck you" to the entire outside world. That day is always Sunday. Why? So I can sit and read while my husband watches football? He never liked football before...why now? This is one of the many mysteries in my life.

Another is that I hate being around people I don't like. Why do I work in a bar? I don't like most of those people. I sat tonight, staring into the crowd of screaming poker players, and I wanted to throw all the tables on them and light a match. (I had the same feeling, only with my car, toward obnoxious-shitty little teenagers today.) My homicidal feelings were then quashed by people I like.

I think of my family. All that they do for and with me. Then I remember that mothers will make you crazy. Mine will make me commitable. I sometimes want to tell her what the going rate is for a personal secretary, then I remember that this woman spent 9 months pregnant with me and somewhere around 18 hours in labor. I have made up for the labor part. I have put in more than 18 hours worth of labor for her. The nine months and the chromosomes are what I will never be able to make up for.

One day I will be brave enough to turn my phone off. I, of course will have to forewarn my family first, 'cause someone will think I'm dead and come knockin' on my door. I look forward to my Thursday ritual. Where I get to act like a two year old, a responsible one, and hang out with a two year old, a smart one, and turn off my phone.

Death is, sometimes, so preventable

2005-11-30T08:17:43Z

I don't know if it is that I work in a bar, or more people are just getting careless.

This family comes in tonight, because their son has been missing since last night, and they can't find him. He was at our bar, then left after one of our very smart bartenders would not serve him, and gets into an accident that kills him. That not knowing must have been torture.

I wonder if I should ever drive after I have been drinking. I drink, sometimes, at work. I have a shot at 9 p.m. and then run my ass off for five more hours, and I wonder if I should drive even then. If I have to ask myself how much I have had to drink, I don't drive. If I have forgotten how much I drank, I don't drive. Thank God that I have a husband and little brother that don't mind 3 a.m. phone calls. Sometimes I get a ride when I'm not drunk, but think I may have had between five and 10 shots. That just seems like too much alcohol for anyone. I just can't fathom dying in such a preventable way. I can't imagine my family looking in every bar to see if I was there the night before. I can't imagine what that would put my family through. Anger, that is what my family should and would go through. I am someone who should know better. Everyone should know better, and they don't. Working in a bar makes me so much more aware of things that people do that they shouldn't. I was aware of the drinking and driving prior to working in a bar, but sometimes I forget that not everyone has had the same experiences as I have. I feel ashamed some nights when I forget such experiences and want to drive.

Spritual messages are not as fun as the prospect of massages.

2005-11-16T18:26:18Z

I was trying to read email in one of my many junk accounts, and I thought one of them said "Daily spiritual massage". Ahhh, what a thought. Then I opened it. Ahhh...what a load of shit.

I had my yearly girl exam today. The nurse admitted, openly, that she has a small crush on my husband. All I could say is, "Me too, but it's more of a big crush." She smiled and the doctor sent her out of the room and apologized. I'm beyond apologies for silly things of such. My husband's pretty easy to love, and he loves me. Such a reassuring thought to know that someone has decided to love you when they don't have to. He is an amazing man.

I don't have to work tonight or tomorrow anymore. I am going to see the midnight showing of Harry Potter 4! That's right, I'm a huge geek. I love Harry Potter. I cried Monday night during WWE Raw, and I will not apologize for any of it. I have a soft heart, a determined mind, and I will love WWE, Harry Potter, cartoons, Buffy and Angel ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

P.S. I don't think my father hates all women, just the ones that are smarter and stronger than he is; this leaves me on his shit list. 123 days and counting of no contact...I am so excited that I don't have to do Christmas at his house.

What, it's 11:30...I have now been up for 24.5 hours. I'm takin' a nap!

I feel like ass

2005-11-03T08:30:12Z

And upon typing that statement, I wonder if ass is soft and mushy or hard and firm. Either way I don't feel good. Too many nights in a bar. I haven't been drinking since last weeks "problem" drinking, and people are not as fun when I'm sober.

I feel artistically stunted. Like I will never paint, photography or art anymore. Like my work won't get any better, and all of the people around me will know that I am a failure. I don't know why that matters. People who say they don't care what other people think of them are liars. Big, dirty liars. It's not a bad thing to care what people think. It's bad if you are always worried, but other people's perceptions of you are good to take into account.

My sister in law is coming to our home tomorrow and I can't stand her. More drama then I can deal with. If she starts in on how stupid her piece of shit boyfriend is, and then wants my opinion, I am going to stand up, slap her, and walk away. She bothers me. Like the people you know can be better and smarter but won't due to their own lack of self-confidence. I still want to slap her.

So, there's this girl I know, who is marrying a boy I know, and she said she won't marry him unless the engagement ring at least $10,000. Now, are we talking worth retail or pawn shop. It bothers me. Maybe because the first time my husband "proposed" it was on a cold night and he was in a different country, or because I think that is the most selfish, spoiled thing someone can do. "I'll marry you, but only if you buy me first." He should trade her dad some cattle while he's at it. I bought my own "engagement ring" and it kicks ass! (Plus I got it at a pawn shop for 75% off because they had had it so long.)

I've decided that people are mostly good. They try their best, and sometimes succeed. I have to keep telling myself that before I resort to violence. Most of the time I see people and want to violence out on them, but then they surprise me (or disappoint me).

The things that are going to get me through the rest of the week are:
1. Spending time with a small, smart, beautiful child tomorrow. He makes me laugh and remember that my love of people will one day return.
2. Craft showing with my mother on Friday. It sounds nerdy, but I might love it.
3. Spending just one night with my husband where we don't have to do anything but hold hands and drink beer.

Things that will make me crazy if they happen:
1. My INSANE father showing up at a dedication on Saturday. I cannot make any promises that I won't spit him, and then take him on the Dr. Phil show for an intervention.
2. My INSANE sister-in-law making me hit her. My husband would not be down with that.
3. Not making twice as much money on Saturday then I did tonight. So far I have doubled up every night this week....so here's to hoping.

I'm going to go read.

I believe in destiny

2005-10-28T08:46:53Z

And it's not just the Angel/Buffy kind of destiny...wait maybe it is. You decide.

There are so many things that I was born to be:
a daughter
a sister
an aunt
a wife (I know, not feminist, but it's true)
a mother (see above)
and a law enforcement official.

It's hard to get away from. I'm working my bar job tonight, and the police officers that do walk-throughs asked me to come and test to be a police officer. They didn't know that I had tested previously. Apparently I give off some kind of aura that makes people think I'm in charge? or in need of control? Maybe I have that aura of the kid in high school that got picked on an needs revenge. I really don't know. I did test, and test well might I add, and they got me on one push-up (fucking push-ups). Should I do this again? My gut says yes, my bank account says yes, but am I scared to face my destiny?

Now that I feel like NPH on Doogie Howser I'm gonna read more about serial killers and think about going to the gym tomorrow to do push-ups. (Unless "someone" wants to make cookies/shop and discuss hippies. Call if interested.)

I haven't done anythign today

2005-10-21T20:53:06Z

I had such high hopes last night of getting things finished today. Unpacking, cleaning, dishes, regular housewifey stuff....I didn't do anything but read.

Working sucks, except for the money.

2005-10-20T07:08:11Z

I had to work tonight, in the bar, and we were DEAD until 10 p.m. when ever freakin' cheerleader/party girl/loud I-haven't-seen-you-in-hours screamer girls decided to come in and, well, scream about being drunk. I hate the screamers. "OH MY GOD, I haven't seen you since class, and I can't believe it's been that long!!" Why, seriously? If you are one of those girls, please, please, take this to heart. NO ONE CARES. It startles the drunks already in the bar, it irritates the bar staff, and it makes me want to hit you...in the face.

Other than that it has been an uneventful day. Got my Dr. Phil in, and, I have to say, my sisters can sometimes be bitchy and sometimes crazy but thank God they are not crazy bitches! I wonder if we will ever end up needing help so badly that one of us calls a talkshow. My preference would be Montel, but I ain't callin'. More than likely we will play like my mom and aunt who just talk badly about one another in private. I hope so.

P.S. one of the screamer girl's boyfriend tipped $63 on a $100 tab. Thank God he is one of those guys that wants to seem really generous to get laid by the girl he was buying drinks for. Or maybe he's just nice. Don't care. Glad he tipped.

New house, no unemployment

2005-10-18T19:45:23Z

I've moved, again. However, this time my husband and I have bought our first house. It will be really exciting when I have the time and energy to unpack. Correction: I have the time, lots of time in fact, but I get overwhelmed with the prospect of finding yet another pair of shoes.

I have been bothered by the comments on various websites, not just this one, praising serial killers and murderers. I study these men (mostly men) and criminal history on a regular basis as a hobby. A hobby that I have had since the age of eleven. I'm still trying to figure out if it is a sick fascination with this topic, or if it is one of the only things that can grasp my attention for more than one hour at a time. But, to be clear, I don't think that these people deserve any praise.

Also, I have started to watch C.S.I., and I am embarrassed that I love it! It's disturbing; my love of the show and the show alike.

The only reason that I want to go to work tonight is to eat a steak. We have the best steaks, and my guess is that we will be slow. I applied for a couple of jobs around town this week, but I don't think I will take them. a.) I like not really have a real job. b.) cash in hand! c.) cash. Sounds selfish, but my husband went through our budget and pointed out that I could keep my job as is and we could still pay all the bills. I applied for nothing.

man_duh @ 2005-08-25T16:02:00

2005-08-25T22:00:31Z

I don't know how people have kids and seem so rested. I had an amazing babysitting experience with my one year old nephew today, only for about three hours, and I'm tired! He runs, toddles, around; picks stuff up; tries to eat dog toys; picks up random mail; gets a book, reads for a nano-second; toddles; toddles; toddles. I'm exhausted from having just watched him grow from a tiny (well, smaller) baby into a child.

The same thing with an older nephew that I have who is ten. He is such a sensitive kid, who loves to be around people. Unfortunately, he doesn't get the love and attention that he needs from the people he needs. However, despite that, he is a nice kid; thank God too, he and I hung out when he was a baby and I thought he'd be in juvenile hall by now.

It's family day for me (at least in thoughts). My dad still will not return my phone calls. Apparently he is still pissed at me for not making him feel welcome enough at MY WEDDING that he hasn't spoken to me since. Six messages later, I am deciding to give up (AND he didn't call on my birthday). I just figure that I don't have anything for him to brag about to his fucking friends, so he has disowned me until my husband joins the military, I become president, or we have kids. Better for my husband and I anyway; my dad is all drama.

My mother asked to try the food from the bar where I work, and, so, last Friday I took her steak. We have great food, that's not question, now she wants to eat there all the time. I don't know if it is because of the food, or she's trying to be supportive in her own mom-kinda way.

My husband was so excited about buying that stupid lawn mower. He knew the make and how much it retailed for. He came to visit me at work last night and was telling me what a great deal we got; he was so cute and excited that I couldn't even begin to be angry. I just hope we find a house that is as exciting as a lawn mower.

To top off my whole day, I just had a kick-ass burrito for lunch and my books can from amazon today....good by all responsibility, hello reading.

I work in a bar

2005-08-24T18:32:23Z

I think that along with working in a bar one should have mandatory sleep days. Days where you do nothing but sleep and forget that you work with some fucktards, for fucktards, serving drunks.

I'm a little bitter because last night we had 4 customers. Four, it was silly to even be open.

Other then that I have to get my name changed today, read a little, call about restitution, and go back to the four customer bar. My life is full and exciting. At least tomorrow will be a fun afternoon.

I have nothing more to rant about (save that my husband just bought a lawn mower for a home we don't have....?).

It's 2:45 and I haven't gotten dressed

2005-08-22T21:00:30Z

Monday of the first week of school and it's of no consequence to me, because I'm not going. I'm fine with not going, and everyone else is really supportive.

I wonder, in my paranoia mind, if they are all saying it's ok and then convening behind my back to call me lazy and stupid. Then I remember they are my family, and, for one reason or another, talking about me when I'm not there is a past time. Then I remember I don't care. Then I remember I'm a little paranoid, and there are almost daily "assassination attempts" in my world.

I work in a bar, and I am finding it increasingly hard not to drink heavily when working. Not good for business, however, the more I go to work, the more I want to drink. Time for a new job. However, finding a job where one can hang out, drink and cuss is hard...maybe I'll...nope, can't think of one.

I'm married now, and everyone who says that you change and your spouse changes are ridiculous! My husband is just as funny, attractive and annoying if not more so then ever. I'm the same, too, I think.

washing machines

2005-03-11T03:14:45Z

i just got excited that kenmore now makes washers in color.
First of all, I don't have a place for a washer, and, if I did, I don't have money for a washer in color. But they are pretty cool. orange, blue and "champagne". Everyone uses that color for no good reason. I want a pink washer and dryer, I'll just pray paint some.

I'm getting married, and I'm scared.
i think that's good. I just don't want anyone to freak out, and that's all I'm scared of...I think.
My man is in India on vacation....discuss.
A.) Who goes to India on vacation?
B.) Who goes to India without his new soon-to-be-wife?
C.) Who goes to India with his "hetro" lifemates?
The answer to all of the above is my man...as frustrating and hard to watch eat as he is, I would give anything right now to hear him chew (really, it's gross...when he swallows milk it's even worse..I'll learn to love it; already have).

I hung out with one of my nephews today. After feeding, trying to feed, him baby food peas, he spit them out at me....I thought it was funny, so I laid out some towels to see how far he can spit peas. Probably not a habit I should condon, however, that little man impresses me everyday. He's an overachiever. And he's not my kid, so he can spit peas anytime he wants at my house. He also rolled amongest the pillows I laid down for him and laughed...he is a strange little man.

I have a friend who refuses to say goodbye. I say, "Goodbye" he replies "Out", and I've even baited him to see if he will say goodbye, no dice.
so
out

Monday

2005-03-01T02:28:47Z

Monday again? Where was Sunday, and why aren't my dishes done? And my laundry for that matter.
I slept all day yesterday, with moments of sleepily watching Animal Cops on Animal Planet. Then I worked. Only six more days and I have a day off.
I am pretending to work while avoiding a reading assignment for work. I have to finish it all tonight. My life is a deadline. More planning than I ever thought possible. I considered putting in an appointment to go to the bathroom in my PDA so I don't forget.

I don't like it when people assume I don't know how to do my job; on the other hand, I hate it when they think I can do something that I can't. What a mystery.

Faith in a Job Kinda Done.

2005-02-18T06:30:03Z

So, it seems that I only have time to write when I'm at the paper.
Too many people here bitch about this job, me included, but, the truth is, I like my job. Not because I get paid a lot, cause I don't. Not because I love everyone here, frankly, some of them could fall of the edge of the earth and I would not shed a single tear. Not because its fun, because there are a lot of times I dread having to drive to Blackfoot. It's because we produce history. Everyday. There is a feeling of pride when we get the first sections of the presses and they are still wet with ink. There is something about the smell of fresh newsprint, and the sound of a running press at midnight. It seems very romantic.

Enough of that, though. Schools out for the weekend and monday. Time to catch up on everything I have not done. However, in my opinion, I wrote a stellar paper for my Bible as Lit class...C+ here I come!

Yet another night in Blackfoot

2005-02-15T03:28:52Z

I don't necessarily think that Blackfoot is a bad place, its just that I want to be at home.

I learned something today: Joseph (the Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat...Donny Osmond) and his brothers, who are sons of Jacob, make the 12 tribes of Israel. Yep, thank you Bible as Lit class for making what I thought was a witty play and great soundtrack into a Biblical tail of dysfunctional families! First of all, rude that Judah sold Jacob to the Egyptians for 30 pieces of silver (foreshadowing of Judas that sells out Christ....hmmmm I'll let you know), next, gross that Judah sleeps with his daughter-in-law and she has his twins. Next, how can Joseph not kick the shit out of his brothers when they come for grain during the famine. Seriously, he was second only to the Pharaoh, kick some ass you baby! I guess it wouldn't be as "biblically moral" if he smoted his brothers and let them starve.

Anyhow, now I have to compare the imagery and its meaning for a paper. Yeah, thanks again Bible as Lit.

Still waiting for the paper to be completed. The editor is out of town, we are down a reporter (see poor Cyril in yesterday's rant), and nothing is moving very quickly. One sports page tonight instead of two; maybe Ryan can complete it before midnight. There's always hoping.

P.S. I spent too much money today on things I don't need, and I still have not found the perfect object that will quash my need to shop. However, I did get some stinky lotion from Bath and Body.

OH, YEAH, today is Valentine's Day, happy to all.

It's been too long

2005-02-14T04:35:23Z

I haven't written. In fact, i forgot about livejournal until today. I'm at one of the two jobs I currently hold, looking for something to do while the sports editor finishes the page he's been working on for TWO HOURS! Yeah, welcome to my life... hurry, hurry, hurry......WAIT.

Other than that I work in a bar, and go to school, and wade through the horrible mess that is my tiny apartment. Why me? Guess I'm just lucky.

So I thought about livejournal when I had a prying need to see if my sister had written anything bad about me. We were on the outs a few weeks back, and I wanted her side of the story. Unfortunately, none to speak of. She either saved it all for me, kept it inside, or her life was more important. It was nice to see pictures of the boy, though. Cheered me up on a fucked up weather night in Blackfoot.

Well, I should be writing a paper for my Bible as Lit class, however, the fact that the AP wire hasn't updated in an hour is really bothering me. UPDATE the wire so Editor can get the ProBowl on the page, and I can drive back home to yell at a friend who, quite frankly, is making a bad life decision. I probably won't yell though. I'll cry a little, he's leaving for Florida to bail out a crack-head that used to be his girlfriend. Really, when people you care about repeatedly get arrested for drug abuse, shouldn't you, at one point, say, "my life is more important than selling my car for bail money; again." Oh, poor Cyril, too nice for his own good. Thinks he can save her, probably won't. Sadly, he'll become a big activist, non-profit, pot-smoking hippie. None of those things are bad in their own respect, however, all together they suck!

YAWN! Okay, time to kick the ed in the butt...